“Preserve My Saltiness,” I savoured every piece... - Chioma Chukwuneta (@Cheeomarh)

A review:

From the catchy red face to the picture of a young lady who appeared engrossed in her thoughts (though having savoured the book I realized that lady was actually listening to everything happening around her from the wisdom of the old/aged to the words of her Creator, whom she describes as the “Lover of her soul," and the cries of her society), I was convinced that I was holding a book with a beautiful content. If “judging a book” and “judging its cover” were synonymous, books like “Preserve My Saltines” would break the gravel.

 For the first time I come across poems that tell my story to the world, my love story, my daily struggle between desires and the expectation of the God I serve, my environment, my dreams and prayers.

Each time I pick up “Preserve my saltiness,” I savour every piece with reflection. It's a collection of poems full of wit and wisdom written with so much simplicity and creativity.

Jennifer certainly has grey hair, these words of wisdom certainly didn't come from a woman with hairs as dark as mine.

Thank you Jennifer for sharing your thoughts, thank you for standing for young women and for Christianity and thank you for believing in our generation.

By Chioma Chukwuneta,

Follow on Twitter: @Cheeomarh

  Thanks for the review Chioma! May God be praised! His grace is ever sufficient!

31 Dates in 31 Days by Tamara Duricka Johnson @31dates

Imagine this- A few weeks to your 31^st birthday, your boyfriend suddenly realizes there is nothing more between you two, especially when you were still hoping he is the one, and breaks up with you before you could point out the silver-linings in your relationship. What do you do? Well, Tamara Duricka Johnson’s response to such predicament is what has evolved into a much talked about 31 Dates in 31 Days! 

Except, Tamara’s case is not an imaginary one. It actually happened to her! It must have been a big blow on her self-esteem. But she did not allow the blow to keep her down for too long! With the support of her witty friends, she launched a project!

When I first got an email from Andie Atwood of Seal Press, requesting for a review of 31 Dates in 31 Days on this blog, I had no idea what I was setting myself up for!

Wow! If there is any book I’ve read so far on dating and relationship, that made a lot of sense and left me with a plate full of life lessons, this is it! 

 

Okay I must admit I was cynical when I first heard about the book. The shocking title at first might make your wonder- Was she crazy dating so many guys in such a short space of time? How did she cope frolicking with all of these men? Is she a slut? But again, who are we to judge a book by its cover?  No, the story is definitely different from the impression we first perceive from the title or synopsis!

The minute I opened it and started reading, I knew the book was not just another fictitious do’s and don’t’s about dating and relationship. It is a true-life story, written in its raw form. No male bashing. No cranking feminism. Just a pure story told to empower others.

The author re-defined what dating should entail, bringing the fun back into the center of it. How ladies/women ought to perceive the men in their lives or the men that come their way. The author took us to the very basics of dating. What we often forget or are never told.

Stop seeing every guy as The One!  Enjoy the friendship first and it will grow if it must.

Experience they say is the best teacher. But we can’t all experience everything so we must be open-minded and learn from other people’s experience. 

Reading about Tamara’s experience and following her through the journey of shaping the future is thought-provoking as it allows you, the reader, develop a new knowledge of self.

At some point, I felt the author’s fatigue of the marathon dating exercise. It was pretty hard to keep up. Twenty dates into the book, I was tempted to flip to the last chapter to see how the story ended. But then, that will mean missing out on the lessons each character unfolded in the story.

The story took a dynamic turn when the author was asked on Air (yep ABC interviewed her in the course of the project) what advice she had for people going out on the first date-

“First,’” I said, “don’t take first dates too seriously. Second, don’t judge too quickly. And third, every guy is somebody’s Prince Charming. Maybe not yours, but he could be someone else’s. so respect him.” 

How on point!

From her narrative point of view, the author certainly presented the guys, with whom she had 31 dates in the 31 days, with much respect. She carefully pointed out as much good in them she allowed herself to focus on during the few hours they spent together, making the book sound too nice. Well, isn’t that the whole purpose of sharing the lessons through which others can grow?

The men formed a gracious and alluring backdrop for the author to learn that self-worth, identity and fulfillment don’t come in a package labeled “boyfriend” or “husband.”

She tells us “Love is something to offer, not to seek.”

Is there anyone (yes, the book is NOT for ladies only!) out there trying to understand the complexities of dating, relationship and finding true love? Go pick up a copy of 31 Dates in 31 Days, read it and learn from 31 years old Tamara, as she wriggle her way out of a history of broken relationship into enjoying the experience of dating and the many lessons that come with it. It might not teach you everything, but it will help you get a grip of the basics, that has become almost extinct these days :-)

31 Dates in 31 Days certainly make some of the other books on dating and relationship look pale. The simplicity through which it was written makes the story worth reading.

It is wrapped with a rich sense of humor that would crack you up. I caught myself laughing as I flipped through the pages, exploring each scene and character.

The author shares her story of giving love and finding her true love. She highlights her struggles, insecurities, frustration and faith. 

The story also focuses on the important role friendship plays in shaping destiny. 

Although the central theme of the book focuses on dating and the characters of the 30 dates (men), other sub-themes were expressed through the loss of her father and step-father, the strength of her mother, the dedication of her girlfriends, support of her colleagues and the broken relationship she experienced with a couple of men, who indirectly inspired the story itself.

So even if you are not interested in dating, there are other lessons equally expressed through these characters, all of them played an important role in shaping the story.

I hope we have more unpretentious writers willing to draw from their own experience to share insights into dealing with every day issue, instead of just sharing complex theories that are not really applicable in reality.

31 Dates in 31 Days gets all the 5 star ratings! I totally enjoyed reading it! I hope you find the book thought-provoking but inspiring!

Synopsis of the Book

31 Date in 31 Days (Seal Press / October 2011 ) is the true story of Johnson’s journey toward changing her outlook on life, love, and modern dating. Her dating marathon teaches her to keep things in perspective, helps her let go of her preconceptions, and opens her eyes to how many single, smart, and attractive guys are out there—even in a super-sized metropolis like New York City.  With a few rules (never the same place twice, don’t spend over $31, and no second dates until after the 31^st date), her dating project unexpectedly turns out to be a series of authentic and unpredictable experiences. With each of her dates—whether it’s the shy dance teacher, the sweet surfer, or the 21-year old Coast Guardsman—Johnson learns to open up and have more fun; which is, after all, what dating should be about.  Ckeckout the website: http://31datesin31days.blogspot.com/p/book.html

 

Rotary Dial Politics in an iPhone World

By Ange-Marie Hancock,
Author of Solidarity Politics for Millennials: A Guide to Ending the Oppression Olympics

So we've occupied Wall Street. Millennial generation protesters have joined forces with an unlikely assemblage of the older generation: Nobel laureate Joseph Stieglitz, Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon. The protests united folks concerned about a variety of different issues around the idea that "Wall Street causes inequality."

Now that the media attention is focused on the Occupy Wall Street protests, how do we fundamentally resolve such inequality?

It has been difficult to resolve inequalities in the United States because our politics has not kept up with the advances that have emerged in the past 20 years. It's as if the scholars who have developed new models of politics all have iPhones, while the media, average citizens and policy makers are still using politics that works like a rotary dial phone.

Today's political discourse does not fully consider the linkages between the public needs of multiple generations -- whether it's strong public schools or college affordability on the Millennial side or having sustainable Medicare and Social Security on the Baby Boomer side. There is, in other words, a cultural generation gap that prevents us from connecting the dots to resolve persistent inequality in a comprehensive way.
The cultural generation gap is considered the product of two demographic trends that are causing anxieties in times of economic hardship:

• the aging of Baby Boomers, who have spent their entire lives in a United States that is a white majority nation, and have no intention of withdrawing from the public arena, and


• the ascent of Millennials (and increasingly their children), who are not simply the most racially diverse generation in U.S. history but also have the largest percentage of foreign-born individuals. By 2015 Millennials will be the second largest adult generation and are transforming the workplace.

Demographic trends are a lot like tectonic plates -- they are very difficult to stop once they are set in motion. But the cultural generation gap isn't a predetermined outcome. It because we have failed to eradicate the persistent overlapping disparities along the axes of race/ethnicity, gender, national status, and economic class.

Now resolving these overlapping layers of inequality would be challenging and complex in times of peace and prosperity. Throw in a global economic recession alongside two wars and the cultural generation gap grows ever bigger.
What are we to make of these compounding trends? Although cross-generational protesting is an important step forward to resolving overlapping patterns of economic inequality, we cannot simply protest in the same 20th century way, which most Americans are socialized to tune out.
First, eradicating inequality must go beyond generational spokesmen stating the talking points of the other generation. 68 year-old Stieglitz linked the slogan, "Wall Street Causes Inequality" to the case of young people who face prospects of spending the next few years underemployed or with no job at all. However, media coverage of the speech and interviews by Stieglitz himself failed to connect the impact of such underemployment and other issues facing Millennials to the needs of his own generation, which would move the conversation in a 21st century direction. Today's Boomers aren't going anywhere, but they will increasingly need healthcare and other forms of services that will be provided by Millennials. Who doesn't want their own healthcare worker to have the proper training, education and employment opportunities in order to receive quality care? Shifting the narrative reveals the interdependence between needs across the generations.

Second, we ignore the racial, ethnic, gender, and national status aspects of college access at our peril. Stieglitz's comments referred to a specific subset of the Millennial generation who have had access to college, who, most statistics show, are also more likely to be members of the majority class, race and national status groups in the U.S. But the challenges facing young people in terms of employment go beyond not being able to pay off student loans.

It is clear to me that recent college graduates face unemployment rates that are patently unacceptable. But increasing the coverage to all Millennials allows us to talk about the youth Stieglitz missed in his comments: the youth who were tracked away from college and into a host of dead-end opportunities, the youth products of a failed K-12 public education system in many low-income communities of color, and those who lost hope and left us too soon as a result of homophobic bullying. The longer they remain outside the employment sector, the less money is funneled into current benefits for Medicare and Social Security, programs that help keep Boomers and their older counterparts out of poverty in their older years. When AARP only organizes its members to protest government cuts -- a rotary dial, defensive approach -- they ignore the 21st century reality that support for policies that increase employment for younger folks is one of the best forms of insurance against future cuts -- an iPhone approach that puts them back on offense.

Linking intergenerational values and interests helps us leave our rotary dial phones behind in favor of iPhone politics that can enable us to cultivate civic relationships across demographic groups, foster cross-generational dialogues and create 21st century solutions.

© 2011 Ange-Marie Hancock, author of Solidarity Politics for Millenials: A Guide to Ending the Oppression Olympics


Author Bio
Ange-Marie Hancock, author of Solidarity Politics for Millennials: A Guide to Ending the Oppression Olympics, joined the Department of Political Science at USC Dana and David Dornsife College in 2008 after five years as Assistant Professor of Political Science and African American Studies at Yale University. Prior to graduate school at the University of North Carolina, Hancock worked for the National Basketball Association, where she conducted the preliminary research and wrote the original business plan for the Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA). She has served as an international expert in American Politics for the U.S. Department of State and during the 2008 presidential election. She has been quoted in the New York Times, Forbes, on National Public Radio, KNBC, and she regularly supports USC's Annenberg TV News by serving as an expert. She currently serves as the associate director of the Center for the Study of Immigrant Integration (CSII) in the Dornsife College and as one of the inaugural Dornsife College Faculty Fellows.
Over the past eight years Professor Hancock has authored two books and 11 articles. She is a globally recognized scholar of the study of intersectionality -- the study of the intersections of race, gender, class and sexuality politics and their impact on public policy. Her first book, The Politics of Disgust and the Public Identity of the "Welfare Queen,"(2004, New York University Press) won two national awards.
For more information please visit http://www.ange-mariehancock.com, and follow the author on Facebook and 

A Heart to Mend by Myne Whitman

Review coming soon!!!

Preserve my Saltiness: Comments and Reviews

Poetry Reading at Atlas Service Corps Gathering, Washington DC

First a wonderful presentation, from the very beginning. The preface, dedication, all of it. From 'an idle heart' to "under the shadow of the almighty' you captivated me. Your passion, desire, and love you have for the written word is demonstrated beyond the readers imagination. It lifts ones heart and takes us on a journey that only one can do when they have been blessed with a talent that only our Lord can give. And blessed are we the readers for you answering his call! This book is amazing and Jenifer I will highly recommend to anyone."  - Shannon Wendler, Writer and Poet- Founder of  www.Poetryclub.com

I was going to wait until I had read through it to send you a note so I could comment at the same time.  That was a mistake.  After taking a couple opportunities over the weekend to read into it, I realize this is a book not to consume, but to savor.  The individual pieces demand reflection, which requires a quiet time and full attention…Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, and others, through this special book.” John K 

In this book I see that Jennifer has wrangled in the electrifying bull of creativity to possess her words in a way that will speak to others deeply. She speaks to you in these pages from a place of strength and the calm assuredness that this is exactly what she would like to say. I hope you listen. Because by recording her truth, she has recorded our truth. So, take a moment and learn of your soul as you read the poetry of hers. Jennifer, you speak truth in a way that seems as though you are a hundred years old and have lived the lives of many. Your truth is unforgivingly raw, uncut crystal - like all truth that is worth telling. Thank you for sharing your gift of poetry with the world. Because, as we know, the world needs it. My favorite poem is My Brothers Wrestle.” --Jess Rimington, One World Youth Project

As a writer, I have carefully looked at these poems and believe that you will enjoy reading Preserve My Saltiness. You will enjoy reflecting on the threads of meaningful didactic and philosophical images, which help to enhance the encoded meanings. These poetic thoughts could only emanate from one who stayed close to grandma, picking eternal words of wisdom; I bet Jennifer did, as shown in these poems which are all her original pieces.” Isi Agboaye, Step Out Creatives

THE BOOK

·      Author: Jennifer Ehidiamen

·      Paperback: 81 pages

·      Publisher: Step Out Creatives Publications U.K; First Edition edition (20 Feb 2011)

·      Language English

·      ISBN-10: 1906963266

·      ISBN-13: 978-1906963262

Preserve My Saltiness by Jennifer Ehidiamen is a collection of poems, featuring various topics. You will enjoy reflecting on the threads of meaningful didactic and philosophical images, which help to enhance the encoded meanings. Copies are now available in some local bookstores in Lagos-

To buy your copies, please visit:

1. Naija-Sistas Book-stop- Henry Nelson Consulting, 26 Festival Road off Adetokunbo Ademola Street, Victoria Island, Lagos
2. Terra Kulture (Bookshop) Plot 1376 Tiamiyu Savage Street Victoria Island Lagos. 
3. Florence & Lambard Publisher and Booksellers 202-204 Ikorodu road, Palm Grove, Lagos.
4. Latter Rain Assembly Bookshop: Plot 4 Akilo Road Ogba, off Oba Akran Avenue Ikeja Lagos Nigeria

Don’t forget to share your comments after reading! THANKS

Keys To The Kingdom by Senator Bob Graham

A new political thriller by Senator Bob Graham, Keys to the Kingdom (Vanguard Press; June 2011).

Respected and trusted by leaders on both sides of the political aisle, Senator Bob Graham was Chairman of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, a presidential candidate with 18 years of service in the United States Senate, and two-term Governor of Florida.  

Now, based on actual events, he has written a compelling political thriller, with a story line that cuts chillingly close to true-life dealings, it raises penetrating questions an all-too-real, alarming predictions.

 

An excerpt:

July 15
Washington, D.C.
By Senator Bob Graham,
Author of Keys to the Kingdom

At 10:15 Friday morning Tony arrived at the senator's hideaway in the Capitol, one of seventy offices secreted throughout the Senate wing. Ranging from cubbyholes to ornate suites, they were assigned depending on that truest acknowledgment of status in the upper chamber, seniority. As seventeenth in years of Senate service, Billington had a room that overlooked the east lawn, decorated with furniture from the Senate storeroom and landscape art of his state.

"Mr. Ramos, have a seat," the senator greeted Tony.

"Thank you." He sat on the end of the sofa closest to Billington's desk.

The approving smile and tilt of the head indicated the senator was intrigued with Tony's athletic grace and presence. "Mr. Ramos, before we go to the subject of our meeting, may I ask if you had a relative with your name who played infield for the Havana Sugar Kings? As I recall, you look a great deal like him."


Impressed but not flustered, Tony replied, "Yes sir. That was my grandfather in the old Florida International League. I'm surprised you would remember that."


Billington placed his hands behind his head and stretched out in the desk chair. "My father loved baseball. When I was growing up, we had season tickets to the Miami Sun Sox, and he and I drove in from the farm to almost every home game. The Sugar Kings were the dominant team in the league. Dad especially liked your grandfather's grit and hustle."


"I wish I'd been able to see him play."


"You would have been proud. I remember when Dad told the sports editor of the Post about Tony Ramos and several of the other Cuban ballplayers. He said the Washington Senators should pick them up; the only thing they could do would be to improve the weakest team in the American League. But that was a couple of years before Jackie Robinson broke the color line, and the Senators were not about to do that in a southern-culture town like this one."


"That was my grandfather's dream, to play in the major leagues, and I know he would want me to thank your father."


Billington paused to pour two glasses of water. After offering one to Tony he sipped and continued, "That was yesterday and today is now. I'd like to ask a question."


"Yes sir."


"Mark Block is not an easy grader, and he has given you very high marks. I'm satisfied you have several of the aptitudes we will need for the inquiry, so I'm more interested in motivation. Why do you want to break your INR career path to take this on?"


Tony leaned forward. "I think the president has fundamentally mischaracterized 9/11 as the beginning of a war on terrorism. It is not a war unless we make it one. This is not a war. It is an intelligence and paramilitary operation against a relatively small and enormously out-gunned enemy."


"What do you mean by ‘relatively small'?" the senator asked.


"A week after 9/11, my current boss asked the head of the INR how many terrorists were there in the world?"


"And what did he estimate?"


"He said if you define a terrorist as a person who has been through training camps like al-Qaeda's in Afghanistan, or Hezbollah's in Syria or Lebanon, and who belongs to an organization prepared to use those acquired skills, he estimated 100,000. I don't disparage that figure, but it's hardly the Viet Cong, or Saddam Hussein in the Persian Gulf."


"So, that's why you want to join our inquiry staff?"


"Yes sir. To understand the nature, objectives, and capabilities of our enemy. And also to understand why we have exaggerated its threat. Those are some of the questions I think your inquiry can answer."


"Tony, that is a very thoughtful statement of our mission. I want you on the team."


The above is an excerpt from the book Keys to the Kingdom by Senator Bob Graham. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

Copyright © 2011 Senator Bob Graham, author of Keys to the Kingdom

Video Game Addiction: Five Warning Signs for Assessing Risk

Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound (Praeger; 978-0313362248) by Scott Rigby and Richard M. Ryan -- the first truly balanced research-based analysis on the games and gamers, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of habitual playing by drawing on significant recent studies and established motivational theory.

 

Video Game Addiction: Five Warning Signs for Assessing Risk

By Scott Rigby and Richard M. Ryan,
Authors of Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound

Games are powerfully motivating of deep engagement that can last for hours on end, day after day. The first step to really understanding how to manage gaming in your life (or that of a loved one) -- and to identify when there may be a problem -- is understanding what is really at the root of games strong motivational pull. It's not some mystical force, or a secret desire to blow things up, as many non-gamers might fear. The research we've been doing for the last eight years, has helped to identify the basic psychology of game motivation and engagement. This serves as a critical foundation to understand the incredible "pull" of games, as well as serving as a guide for when addiction may be emerging.

Simply put, hundreds of motivational studies have demonstrated that we all have basic psychological needs for competence (a feeling of mastery, growth, and efficacy), autonomy (that sense of personal volition and feeling there are many interesting opportunities from which to choose), and relatedness (a feeling that "I matter" to others, and they matter to me). Decades of research have shown these needs are always operating, whether we're playing games, at work, playing sports, or just being social. They are, in other words, fundamental or basic psychological needs.

Good games draw us in because they are designed to satisfy these needs really, really well. Specifically, they satisfy needs with immediacy, consistency, and density. Let's talk about each of these briefly . . .

Immediacy means that games are readily available. I bet all of us could be playing a video game -- either on our phones or computers -- within the next ten seconds if we wanted to. Sure beats the hour of driving just to get back and forth to the movies or out to the soccer field.

Consistency means that games give us clear paths to success and achievement, and treat us fairly. A game doesn't tell us we got passed over for promotion because of office politics, or benched during the baseball game unfairly. Games give us the rewards they promise, each and every time. And we can count on them in that way.
Density means that games give us a rich field of opportunities to pursue, activities to undertake, and challenges to conquer. While "real life" often seems sparse, games are there to offer us this density as well as instant feedback that makes us feel effective and even important.There's nothing inherently wrong with games ability to satisfy us in these ways. In fact, it can make gaming a very rich and meaningful experience. But it is also true that we need to watch out for becoming over-involved with gaming. Since we now know why gaming is so compelling psychologically, we can look out for "warning signs" more effectively. Here are five tips:

1) Do you see a big "satisfaction gap?" -- When you think about how needs are satisfied in your "real life" versus games, do games come out way ahead? In our research, we consistently find that over-involvement in games goes hand-in-hand with feeling a lack of basic need satisfactions for competence, autonomy, and relatedness in other areas of life, such as school, work, social relationships, and non-gaming hobbies and activities. The data suggest that if our basic needs are too sparsely satisfied by life, there may be a susceptibility to over-involvement in video games. Why might this happen? Well when life isn't meeting our needs, the immediate and dense availability of satisfactions for competence, autonomy, and relatedness in games often become a stronger pull that draws us in too long and too often.

2) Are Games "Crowding Out?" -- Do you miss deadlines at work or school because of gaming? Do you often choose to game rather than spend time with friends or family? One gamer I know reflected wistfully that he had missed most of the first five years of his daughter's life because he spent so much time gaming. If you're having these kinds of feelings about relationships, or not meeting other responsibilities because of playing video games, it is a sure sign that you might have a problem with too much gaming.

3) Are you feeling personal pressure, guilt or shame around your gaming? -- It may sound like a funny thing to say that some gamers feel they "pressure" themselves into gaming, but it happens. There is a feeling that games are something you're compelled to do, even if you don't particularly enjoy or want to play at that moment. You may feel a sense of guilt or shame about firing up another game, but do so anyway. If this feels like a common experience for you, it is a sign that you are over-involved in gaming.

4) Are you playing four or more hours a day? -- A simple rule of thumb is how much time you spend on average every week playing video games. We find that up until about 25 hours, there is no direct association between time spent playing, and negative feelings or decreased well-being. Above that line, however, we see a relationship begin to emerge between 25+ weekly hours, and bad outcomes. So as one quick check: How much time on average are you spending gaming each week? If it equals a half-time job or more -- it really deserves a look.

5) Is gaming isolating important others? -- While you are running around virtual worlds, perhaps in the company of dozens of other online friends, slaying dragons and completing missions, it is sometimes hard to remember that you are leaving the molecular world -- and often the loved ones that are under your own roof -- alone and isolated from you. If you are immersed in a fantasy world, you aren't in this one. Be sure to check in with family and friends about this. Listen to them if they express concern or even some feelings of abandonment. If you feel you can't respond to their requests to have more of your time, it is sign you are too deeply involved with games.


© 2011 Scott Rigby and Richard M. Ryan, authors of Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound



Author Bios
Scott Rigby PhD, co-author of Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound, is founder and president of Immersyve, Inc., a research and consulting group specializing in the psychology of virtual worlds and interactive technologies. In addition to publishing scholarly research on human motivation, Dr. Rigby has himself developed interactive applications for entertainment (Sony, Warner Brothers), education (The Smithsonian Institute), and health care.

Richard M. Ryan, PhD, co-author of Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound, is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, psychiatry, and education at the University of Rochester, Rochester, NY. He is cofounder of the Self-Determination Theory and has published well over 300 scholarly articles in the areas of human motivation, personality development, and applied psychology.


For more information please visit http://www.gluedtogames.com/ and follow the authors on Facebook and Twitter

Little Black Book of Big Red Flags

Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted ... But Chose to Ignore (Adams Media, June 2011)

• She’s never met his friends: Red Flag
• Mom pays his rent: Red Flag
• He’s fake-and-baked orange: Red Frickin’ Flag!

"You’d think with such obvious warning signs, more women would know when to cut and run. Instead they think: "It’s not that bad," "I can live with it," or -- even worse -- "I can fix him!" What a disaster. This Little Black Book will become every woman’s new best friend as it saves her from wasting time on a sinking ship.

It combines real advice with anecdotes to get the message across: He’s just not that good for you. Readers will laugh at their fellow females’ dating disasters (and cringe when they realize a few of their own! ) And by the end, they’ll understand that when his flaws are that obvious, it’s best to walk -- or, in most cases, -- runaway!

He Doesn't Consider You His Girlfriend By Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman and Meagan McCrary, Authors of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags

So, you're kinda sorta seeing this guy, the two of you are "hooking up" (whatever that means), but you've never been more confused about where you stand . . . or lay.

We've learned this lesson the hard way: Just because you're sleeping with a guy, going out to dinner, receiving flowers from him on your birthday, and spending the night at his place every weekend, you're not necessarily his girlfriend unless you've had "the talk."

Most men will try to avoid Defining The Relationship (which our guy friends refer to in shorthand as "DTR") as long as possible. If they never have that talk, they theoretically don't have to walk the walk. Until your relationship is defined, the guy in question has the green light to roll up on chicks and hit on them, by technicality alone. 

Men get away with this behavior, too -- because we let them. Either we buy into the idea that the dude should always be the one to take the lead and initiate some kind of "what are we?" discussion or we're too chicken to ask. It's totally normal to fear rejection -- sometimes not knowing is a lot more bearable than hearing "no." And, sure, by not bringing it up, you'll be able to stay in your whatever-this-is state longer. But, as any gal who's been in relationship purgatory can attest, the confusion can cause more anxiety than a missed period.

If discussing your status with your spit-swapping stallion sounds more daunting than filing your taxes, here are some ways he'll show you that you're not his girlfriend.

You're not his plus one.

The two of you enjoy each other's company as well as your independence, so it doesn't seem like a big deal when your guy goes on a snowboarding trip with his buddies and doesn't invite you. But when he's tagging along on a couples weekend getaway and doesn't mention anything about you joining, you might start to wonder whether his pals even know you exist.

Dudes in committed relationships want to bring their lady loves to functions with their family and friends, not only to announce they've found someone special but also to share significant holidays, birthdays, and vacations with the woman in their life. In fact, most adults expect a guy to bring his significant other to important get-togethers. If you're not his routine "plus one," it's a definite indication that you're not his girlfriend.

While this realization may sting, it provides the perfect opportunity to have a little DTR powwow. Tell him you want to be his social steady, not his girl on the side. A man who won't make you his plus one should be subtracted from your love life.

He treats you like a friend, not a flame.

Men are able to distinguish having sex from having a relationship, two things women usually put hand-in-hand. So, though you may be doing the deed with a certain fella, he may think you're just a pal who wears panties rather than a potential girlfriend. When you try to act like a "guy's girl" you run the risk of being treated like "one of the guys."

A bloke who offers sweet nothings in the bedroom but only fist bumps when outside it doesn't see you as a girlfriend, but a girl who's willing to sleep with him. Men haven't evolved that far from animals -- if you're his girlfriend, he'll want to mark his territory. While he may be against full-blown PDA, there are less overt ways he can show affection, like squeezing your hand for a brief moment, rubbing your back, or moving his chair a little closer to yours.

Standoffish behavior indicates that he doesn't want people to think the two of you are an item, and doesn't want you to think you're anything more than a fuck buddy. Though his nonchalance may just irk you in the beginning, it'll slowly sap your spirit, especially if you've spent serious time between his sheets.

He's only available when it's convenient for him.

When you're the only one initiating rendezvous between you and your man, think about whether he wants to spend time with you because he likes you or because it's convenient and he has nothing else to do. If your guy blows you off or frequently "forgets" your plans to hang out, he may consider you a backup plan rather than a first choice. Likewise, a guy who won't commit to dinner until twenty minutes before he's supposed to pick you up is clearly waiting to make sure he's not going to miss out on whatever his buddies are doing.

In addition to making you feel trivial, this guy is undependable -- he'll be around on sunny days but as soon as the clouds roll in, he'll run for cover, leaving you out to drown in the downpour. If he suddenly reappears the second the storm passes, you can assume he is a man of convenience, not commitment. A relationship isn't about being there when it's opportune, but more so when it's not. Any dude will show up for the party; a good dude will stay after to help you clean up.

He tells you he doesn't want a girlfriend.

When pressed to answer questions about the status of their relationship, many men respond with an "I told myself I" statement, like "I told myself I was going to be more selfish/would focus on my music/would put my career first/wouldn't have a girlfriend in grad school." All this information is useful on date three, but not something you should learn on date thirty-three.

Then there are men who announce that they're not -- repeat not -- interested in having a girlfriend, but we're too buzzed and busy flirting at the time to even register this flag on our radar. Or maybe we completely hear what the guy's saying but are convinced we'll be the one to change his mind -- hey, at least we've got confidence!

Once a guy has openly declared his commitment to remaining single, it doesn't matter if you keep tampons at his house or spend every Saturday night cuddling and watching I Love Lucy reruns. He may act like a boyfriend and talk like a boyfriend, but unless he tells you he's changed his mind about being coupled, don't convince yourself that you're his girlfriend.

These upfront fellas won't hesitate to pull the "I-told-you-I- didn't-want-a-girlfriend" card the moment you have a complaint about anything relationship-related. Our unanimous advice on this one: Don't date a dude who point blank tells you he's not looking for a relationship.

THE BOTTOM LINE:
You may think you're in love with your charming chap simply because you get those giddy butterflies in your belly every time he comes around. But those flutters could be the work of anxious moths signaling that you're uneasy over not knowing how the guy really feels about you.

If you and your man aren't on the same page, recognize that despite any connection you think you have, the two of you won't work if he wants a hookup and you want a boyfriend: You'll merely end up feeling mistreated and unappreciated. Relationships are just as much about shared expectations and timing as they are about shared passion.

There's nothing worse than wondering whether or not you are -- or are going to be -- someone's girlfriend. In addition to confusion, an undefined relationship will remain static.

You're just wasting your time sitting in limbo when you could ditch the noncommittal dude for a guy who'd be happy to call you his one-and-only.

And not to get all Carrie Bradshaw on you here, but we can't help but ask: When did it becomes less awkward to writhe naked on top of a guy than to ask him how he feels about you? If you're willing to go that far, you should be willing to ask him if he's your boyfriend.

The above is an excerpt from the book The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted. . . But Chose to Ignore by Authors Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman, and Meagan McCrary. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted … But Chose to Ignore (Adams Media, a division of F+W Media; June 2011)

Author Bios
Natasha Burton, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted . . . But Chose to Ignore, is the Relationships Editor of Glo, a women's website partnered with MSN.com. Her work has appeared in People, Glamour, WomansDay.com, FHMOnline, and Outblush.com. When she's not grilling her friends about the most intimate details of their love lives, she's most likely in the kitchen whipping up some Italian food.

Julie Fishman, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted . . . But Chose to Ignore, is a humor writer who works in screen, print, and web. She currently teaches at a college in Hollywood, pens a weekly cocktail column for Glo called "Hump Day Happy Hour," and dreams up irreverent sitcom ideas. Aside from writing, she's either hanging with her pooch and drinking wine, or talking about hanging with her pooch and drinking wine.

Meagan McCrary, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted . . . But Chose to Ignore, is an L.A.-based yoga teacher with an adventurous spirit for romance who has written about health and wellness for a variety of local lifestyles magazines. While she spends most of her days teaching Anusara yoga and giving private lessons to her various clients, she finds time to work on "being present" (and her tan) at the beach under the California sun.

Natasha, Julie, and Meagan are all Santa Monica -- dwelling Pisceans who met while earning their Master's of Professional Writing degrees at the University of Southern California.

For more information please visit http://www.BigRedFlags.com and Amazon.com , and follow the authors on Facebook and Twitter

Little Black Book of Big Red Flags

Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted ... But Chose to Ignore 
(Adams Media, June 2011)

• She’s never met his friends: Red Flag

• Mom pays his rent: Red Flag

• He’s fake-and-baked orange: Red Frickin’ Flag! 

"You’d think with such obvious warning signs, more women would know when to cut and run.  Instead they think:  "It’s not that bad," "I can live with it," or -- even worse -- "I  can fix him!"   What a disaster. This Little Black Book will become every woman’s new best friend as it saves her from wasting time on a sinking ship. 
It combines real advice with anecdotes to get the message across: He’s just not that good for you. Readers will laugh at their fellow females’ dating disasters (and cringe when they realize a few of their own! ) And by the end, they’ll understand that when his flaws are that obvious, it’s best to walk -- or, in most cases, -- runaway!
Please look below for an article by the authors that you are welcome to use on your site.  If you are interested in a copy of the book for review or anything else, please feel free to contact me and I would be happy to set you up with anything you may need." -  Ruby Mansuri

He Doesn't Consider You His Girlfriend
By Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman and Meagan McCrary,
Authors of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags

So, you're kinda sorta seeing this guy, the two of you are "hooking up" (whatever that means), but you've never been more confused about where you stand . . . or lay. 


We've learned this lesson the hard way: Just because you're sleeping with a guy, going out to dinner, receiving flowers from him on your birthday, and spending the night at his place every weekend, you're not necessarily his girlfriend unless you've had "the talk."


Most men will try to avoid Defining The Relationship (which our guy friends refer to in shorthand as "DTR") as long as possible. If they never have that talk, they theoretically don't have to walk the walk. Until your relationship is defined, the guy in question has the green light to roll up on chicks and hit on them, by technicality alone. 

Men get away with this behavior, too -- because we let them. Either we buy into the idea that the dude should always be the one to take the lead and initiate some kind of "what are we?" discussion or we're too chicken to ask. It's totally normal to fear rejection -- sometimes not knowing is a lot more bearable than hearing "no." And, sure, by not bringing it up, you'll be able to stay in your whatever-this-is state longer. But, as any gal who's been in relationship purgatory can attest, the confusion can cause more anxiety than a missed period. 


If discussing your status with your spit-swapping stallion sounds more daunting than filing your taxes, here are some ways he'll show you that you're not his girlfriend.
You're not his plus one.

The two of you enjoy each other's company as well as your independence, so it doesn't seem like a big deal when your guy goes on a snowboarding trip with his buddies and doesn't invite you. But when he's tagging along on a couples weekend getaway and doesn't mention anything about you joining, you might start to wonder whether his pals even know you exist. 
Dudes in committed relationships want to bring their lady loves to functions with their family and friends, not only to announce they've found someone special but also to share significant holidays, birthdays, and vacations with the woman in their life. In fact, most adults expect a guy to bring his significant other to important get-togethers. If you're not his routine "plus one," it's a definite indication that you're not his girlfriend. 


While this realization may sting, it provides the perfect opportunity to have a little DTR powwow. Tell him you want to be his social steady, not his girl on the side. A man who won't make you his plus one should be subtracted from your love life.
He treats you like a friend, not a flame.

Men are able to distinguish having sex from having a relationship, two things women usually put hand-in-hand. So, though you may be doing the deed with a certain fella, he may think you're just a pal who wears panties rather than a potential girlfriend. When you try to act like a "guy's girl" you run the risk of being treated like "one of the guys." 


A bloke who offers sweet nothings in the bedroom but only fist bumps when outside it doesn't see you as a girlfriend, but a girl who's willing to sleep with him. Men haven't evolved that far from animals -- if you're his girlfriend, he'll want to mark his territory. While he may be against full-blown PDA, there are less overt ways he can show affection, like squeezing your hand for a brief moment, rubbing your back, or moving his chair a little closer to yours. 


Standoffish behavior indicates that he doesn't want people to think the two of you are an item, and doesn't want you to think you're anything more than a fuck buddy. Though his nonchalance may just irk you in the beginning, it'll slowly sap your spirit, especially if you've spent serious time between his sheets.


He's only available when it's convenient for him. 

When you're the only one initiating rendezvous between you and your man, think about whether he wants to spend time with you because he likes you or because it's convenient and he has nothing else to do. If your guy blows you off or frequently "forgets" your plans to hang out, he may consider you a backup plan rather than a first choice. Likewise, a guy who won't commit to dinner until twenty minutes before he's supposed to pick you up is clearly waiting to make sure he's not going to miss out on whatever his buddies are doing. 


In addition to making you feel trivial, this guy is undependable -- he'll be around on sunny days but as soon as the clouds roll in, he'll run for cover, leaving you out to drown in the downpour. If he suddenly reappears the second the storm passes, you can assume he is a man of convenience, not commitment. A relationship isn't about being there when it's opportune, but more so when it's not. Any dude will show up for the party; a good dude will stay after to help you clean up.


He tells you he doesn't want a girlfriend.
When pressed to answer questions about the status of their relationship, many men respond with an "I told myself I" statement, like "I told myself I was going to be more selfish/would focus on my  music/would put my career first/wouldn't have a girlfriend in grad school." All this information is useful on date three, but not something you should learn on date thirty-three.


Then there are men who announce that they're not -- repeat not -- interested in having a girlfriend, but we're too buzzed and busy flirting at the time to even register this flag on our radar. Or maybe  we completely hear what the guy's saying but are convinced we'll be the one to change his mind -- hey, at least we've got confidence! 


Once a guy has openly declared his commitment to remaining single, it doesn't matter if you keep tampons at his house or spend every Saturday night cuddling and watching I Love Lucy reruns. He may act like a boyfriend and talk like a boyfriend, but unless he tells you he's changed his mind about being coupled, don't convince yourself that you're his girlfriend. 
These upfront fellas won't hesitate to pull the "I-told-you-I- didn't-want-a-girlfriend" card the moment you have a complaint about anything relationship-related. Our unanimous advice on this one: Don't date a dude who point blank tells you he's not looking for a relationship.   


THE BOTTOM LINE:
You may think you're in love with your charming chap simply because you get those giddy butterflies in your belly every time he comes around. But those flutters could be the work of anxious moths signaling that you're uneasy over not knowing how the guy really feels about you. 


If you and your man aren't on the same page, recognize that despite any connection you think you have, the two of you won't work if he wants a hookup and you want a boyfriend: You'll merely end up feeling mistreated and unappreciated. Relationships are just as much about shared expectations and timing as they are about shared passion. 


There's nothing worse than wondering whether or not you are -- or are going to be -- someone's girlfriend. In addition to confusion, an undefined relationship will remain static. 


You're just wasting  your time sitting in limbo when you could ditch the noncommittal dude for a guy who'd be happy to call you his one-and-only. 


And not to get all Carrie Bradshaw on you here, but we can't help but ask: When did it becomes less awkward to writhe naked on top of a guy than to ask him how he feels about you? If you're willing to go that far, you should be willing to ask him if he's your boyfriend. 


The above is an excerpt from the book The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted. . . But Chose to Ignore by Authors Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman, and Meagan McCrary. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.
The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted … But Chose to Ignore (Adams Media, a division of F+W Media; June 2011)


Author Bios
Natasha Burton, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted . . . But Chose to Ignore, is the Relationships Editor of Glo, a women's website partnered with MSN.com. Her work has appeared in People, Glamour, WomansDay.com, FHMOnline, and Outblush.com. When she's not grilling her friends about the most intimate details of their love lives, she's most likely in the kitchen whipping up some Italian food.


Julie Fishman, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted . . . But Chose to Ignore, is a humor writer who works in screen, print, and web. She currently teaches at a college in Hollywood, pens a weekly cocktail column for Glo called "Hump Day Happy Hour," and dreams up irreverent sitcom ideas. Aside from writing, she's either hanging with her pooch and drinking wine, or talking about hanging with her pooch and drinking wine.


Meagan McCrary, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted . . . But Chose to Ignore, is an L.A.-based yoga teacher with an adventurous spirit for romance who has written about health and wellness for a variety of local lifestyles magazines. While she spends most of her days teaching Anusara yoga and giving private lessons to her various clients, she finds time to work on "being present" (and her tan) at the beach under the California sun.


Natasha, Julie, and Meagan are all Santa Monica -- dwelling Pisceans who met while earning their Master's of Professional Writing degrees at the University of Southern California. 

For more information please visit http://www.BigRedFlags.com and Amazon.com , and follow the authors on Facebook and Twitter

The Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman in the year 20-Ten by Bola Essien-Nelson

 Follow the Author's Blog

"Preserve my Saltiness" now available in a Book store near you!

"Preserve my Saltiness" now available in a Book store near you and on Amazon!

Paperback: 81 pages

Publisher: Step Out Creatives Publications; First Edition edition (20 Feb 2011)

Language English

ISBN-10: 1906963266

ISBN-13: 978-1906963262

To buy your copies, please visit Amazon.co.uk or:

Naija-Sistas Book-stop
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Victoria Island
Lagos

Terra Kulture (Bookshop)
Plot 1376 Tiamiyu Savage Street
Victoria Island Lagos.

Florence & Lambard Publisher and Booksellers
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Amazon.co.uk: Buy and Share your reviews! 

Review

In this book I see that Jennifer has wrangled in the electrifying bull of creativity to possess her words in a way that will speak to others deeply. She speaks to you in these pages from a place of strength and the calm assuredness that this is exactly what she would like to say. I hope you listen. Because by recording her truth, she has recorded our truth. So, take a moment and learn of your soul as you read the poetry of hers. Jennifer, you speak truth in a way that seems as though you are a hundred years old and have lived the lives of many. Your truth is unforgivingly raw, uncut crystal - like all truth that is worth telling. Thank you for sharing your gift of poetry with the world. Because, as we know, the world needs it. My favorite poem is My Brothers Wrestle. --Jess Rimington


As a writer, I have carefully looked at these poems and believe that you will enjoy reading Preserve My Saltiness. You will enjoy reflecting on the threads of meaningful didactic and philosophical images, which help to enhance the encoded meanings. These poetic thoughts could only emanate from one who stayed close to grandma, picking eternal words of wisdom; I bet Jennifer did, as shown in these poems which are all her original pieces. --Isi Agboaye, Editor

Product Description

Preserve My Saltiness is a collection of poems, featuring various topics. You will enjoy reflecting on the threads of meaningful didactic and philosophical images, which help to enhance the encoded meanings. These poetic thoughts could only emanate from one who stayed close to grandma, picking eternal words of wisdom; I bet Jennifer did, as shown in these poems which are all her original pieces.